Meghan McCain keeps it classy

Here’s a prediction — her mammaries are going to save health care reform.  Not sure how yet.  Maybe new guy, Scott Brown, motorboats them to celebrate his Massachusetts victory.  Not sure if this changes things.  But if he’s filibustering the vote, this could be better than the nuclear option.  Especially for CSPAN.  Or maybe his daughters motorboat them.  Whatever.

Or maybe she starts representing the other freelance writers of the world — the ones without a senator dad and a billionaire mom — and starts supporting the public option.  There are worse causes.  Hell, she could pretend she cares about Haiti.

See, the TSA is fucking clueless.  They just don’t want to be BLAMED for anything.  So if shit goes down, they knee-jerk a response.  Oh, is that a shoe bomb?  Well, we’ll just X-RAY EVERY FUCKING SHOE FROM NOW ON — then this will never happen again.  Problem solved.  Is that a liquid explosive that we can’t detect?  Well, put your shit in this fucking bomb-proof zip-top bag.

What happens when somebody warns US officials of a potential threat?  Well, nothing.  How’s a zip-lock baggie supposed to solve that?  How’s that going to get more people shuffling through the airport in their socks?

So what’s the plan?  No plan.  The TSA will just enforce what they want.  You don’t get to know the rules.  Unpredictability is the new zip-top bag.  The new TSA response to the knee tap of terrorism is to poke travelers in the eye … after they kick them in the balls.

But government programs don’t work!  Look at …

1. Public Schools.  Don’t want health care reform?  Take your kid out of public school.  A government employee probably taught you how to read.  Don’t think they can give you a flu shot?  You’re a dumbass.  And guess what, private schools still flourish.  You can opt out of the system if you want, but everybody gets a basic education.  Everybody learns to read.  Everybody should be able to be healthy.
2. Libraries.  Yup, free fucking books.  Everywhere in America, there are free books.  Want to read the latest John Grisham?  Read it in the library.  For free.  Don’t want to wait?  Want to keep a copy on your shelf?  Go to Borders or Amazon or any other private bookstore.  Everybody in America gets to read anything they want at the library.  Everybody in America can talk to a librarian about the next bestseller.  Everybody in America should be able to talk to a doctor about their health.
3. The US Post Office.  Put a stamp on an envelope and toss it in the blue box on the corner — it goes to whatever address is on the front.  They used to sponsor Lance Armstrong.  Costs a few cents.  Use FedEx if you want … or UPS.  Right now, health care is set up like FedEx and UPS — it’s fucking expensive.  There’s no catch all, no USPS.  We need that.

So, fuck you Joe Lieberman.

Christ, she wants to race Obama in a foot race (I’m a runner!  Yeah!)?

“I betcha I’d have more endurance. My one claim to fame in my own little internal running circle is a sub-four marathon. It wasn’t necessarily a good running time, but it proves I have the endurance within me to at least gut it out and that is something, if you ever talk to my old coaches they’d tell you, too. What I lacked in physical strength or skill I made up for in determination and endurance. So if were a long race that required a lot of endurance I’d win.”

Well, you may be a runner, but you are also stupid.  Congratulations.

Sounds familiar?  Yeah, he’s the same as Stephen Colbert.  But Colbert is on Comedy Central.  Glenny was on CNN until joining the rest of the characters at Fox News.  Colbert is entertainment.  Beck is presented as news.

photo credit: SamJUK

And as a news reporter, it’s time to man-up.  Glenn’s been saying that Obama is going to take our guns loud enough for all the freaks to hear.  And freaks love listening to other freaks confirm their freaky ideas.  But if Don Imus can get canned for calling women basketball players “nappy-headed hos” then Beck deserves some blame for the shit he’s stirring.

Why?  Because these accusations fuel vigilantism.  Media Matters writer, Eric Boehlert, writes: O’Reilly and Fox News will have more right-wing vigilantism to explain.  They’re stirring up the nut jobs.  They’re fueling the fool fire.  And by doing so, people are starting to die.  It’s time for Beck to move on.

Then I guess Dick Cheney is full of shit.  Oh, snap!  He must feel stupid.

He doesn’t?

That’s because he understands the game.  If you talk loud enough, clear enough, and enough enough, people will start to believe you.  We’re stupid.  We bought into the Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda link allegations even after they were disproven.  We bought into the aluminum tubes.

Now he’s back on the stump, like no other VP before him, re-hashing the old Bush-Cheney dog-and-pony show.  Fear this.  Fear that.  We’re going to die.  Etc.  And he’s getting us to support torture.  Fucking torture!

photo credit: bobster855

Come on, let’s learn to think for ourselves instead of listening to the loudest fool in the room.  Cheney, it’s time to retire; stop trying to scare us.

photo credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

First we’ve got Boehner and the gang threatening to fillibuster.  Oh, didn’t the GOP threaten to eliminate the minority’s right to filibuster judicial nominations in 2004?  Oh yeah, they did.  It’s cool now, though.

Then, there’s the weird empathy argument.  (Maybe the Supreme Court should be filled with unfeeling robots?)

Nobody is making the argument that people rise to the challenge they are faced with.  Souter did, but the right probably hates him for it.  Alito and Roberts?  Turns out they aren’t the heartless constitution burners some suspected.

What’s really happening is everybody is playing the game.  I stroke my constintuency, I get re-elected.  I appoint a Hispanic woman, I get re-elected.  I hope.  I talk crazy enough, and I get your attention.

It’s that or we’ve elected idiots to converse with the idiots in the media.  And I prefer to think we have not elected idiots.  It’d just be nice if they’d take this part of their job a little less seriously.

photo credit: adria.richards

And by losing, you could have really won.  You could have said, “Look, these are tough times, and Minnesota needs somebody in Washington — we don’t need to waste dollars and days bickering over this.  Let’s move on.  There will be another election.”

You could have said, “I’m a fiscal conservative.  I’m not about to waste taxpayer money fighting over this, but I will be back on the ticket in six years.”

Or you could have Al Gore’d it and risen from the ashes more powerful than you’d ever have been as a Senator, tackled a bigger issue than Minnesota, and risen to international fame.

BUT, you’re letting this thing go to the Supreme Court.  Good call, man.  You’re more nationally known than ever before, and it’s because you’re a jackass.