Why You Are Stupid {.com} » Business

iPad – Synergy, Revolution, Revenue, Cross Functional … Menstration Jokes

Davidson Gray — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:56:51 +0000

“And we’ll call it the iPad.”

“iPad?”

“Yes, of course. The name is critical. This one builds off our popular iPod and iMac products. It’s perfect.”

“Perfect?”

“Yes, perfect. It’s the perfect name. When people hear ‘iPad’, they will think of clean design, monthly data-plan convenience, and product-marketing synergy.”

“That’s what you think of when you hear ‘iPad’ — sanitary design, monthly convenience, and PMS?”

“Of course! PMS is the core of the iPad.”

“You still don’t get the joke?”

“Joke? The only joke is how much our investors are going to love us after we introduce this revolutionary tablet computer.”

“So tablet computer — still don’t want to go with iTablet?”

“There’s nothing sexy about iTablet! I’ve said that a thousand times. iPad is sexy — it’s like the reason for sex.”

“Ok, moving on. Can we terminate the AT&T exclusivity deal?”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”

* * *

Steve Jobs, you’re a fucking moron.

Natalie Dylan, How Much for Sloppy Seconds?

Davidson Gray — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:09:51 +0000

Natalie Dylan, the sluttiest virgin in the history of mankind, is ready to sell off her deflowering for a cool $1M. Turns out, the dude that’s ponying up the dough has never fucked a virgin … and wants to give sexing one up a try. What a gentleman.

photo credit: Lianne Viau

So, makes me wonder, how much for round two? Is that for sale too? Or is that where the whore line goes — selling your virginity is one thing but selling sex is another. Or maybe nobody’s bidding. Maybe after prostituting off the rare gem of virginity the skank commodity price falls through the floor — or worse.

I think she’ll stay on at the Bunny Ranch as a regular and start charging hourly. Natalie could be the oldest profession’s newest, oldest (she’s 22) practitioner. She’ll have to pay the rent somehow, because if it doesn’t work out with Mr. Million, who’s going to want to marry the most famous prostitute in world?

Trix Are For Kids and XanGo Mangosteen Juice Is For Idiots

Davidson Gray — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 11:41:37 +0000

Yup, just buy three cases, get 5 friends to subscribe, then start raking in the dough. You’ll be rich! You could make $10,000 per month!

Come on! It’s a pyramid scam. It’s fucking juice! Juice they don’t have a distributor for so they have to sell it directly to consumers who they scam into selling directly to their friends.

But Donald Trump says direct marketing is amazing, right? Who cares? Donald Trump is an idiot too! Are you going to believe a guy with hair? Can you trust a man that lives the lie of that mane? Nope.

So pass on grass, steer clear of mangosteen. Next thing you know, you’ll turn into an Avon lady.